Analyzing the System Pt. 2

Order & Chaos 2

In the last post we analyzed the frum system, its pros and cons.

We established that many of the flaws are not unique to our system rather an issue shared by all societal systems.

In order to provide a solution, we need to precisely define why all systems suffer from these inherent problems.

If systems are very useful in many instances, why do they fall short in others?

We will explain the flaw in human thinking that leads to cons in all systems, secular and religious.

Defining Human needs

Let us take a step back and reexamine the benefits of system visa-a-vis the human needs.

Famed psychologist Dr. Abraham Maslow divided human needs into 5 tier pyramid hierarchy.

1. Physiological

Air, food, water, shelter, sleep, clothing

2. Safety

Personal security, employment, resources, health

3. Love and Belonging

Friendship, intimacy, family sense of connection

4. Esteem

Respect, self-esteem, status, recognition, freedom

5. Self-Actualization

Actualize all of your potential

Maslow’s theorized that human needs were a hierarchal structure with the lowest level being physiological needs.

A person would only be able to pursue upper levels of the hierarchy if the lower-level needs were met.

Lacking more basic needs, you don’t have the wherewithal to pursue higher level needs.

Intimacy and love are not on the forefront of one’s mind when he consumed by the more pressing need of where he finds his next meal.

What systems provide

Systems are excellent at providing the lower-level human needs.

Humans are wired to be tribal because our basic needs are exponentially easier to come by if we are collaborating with other humans as a tribe.

Food, water, safety and resources are made exponentially more accessible by systemized human effort.

While an individual can survive off the land and build himself shelter, our systems have outsourced our basic needs to others so we can pursue other things.

Economies, Supply chains, plumbing, the electric grid, and law enforcement are all examples of human systems that secured the lower-level needs for us.

The System does not provide higher needs.

The higher up you go the less you can rely on systems to provide you those needs. While networking in society can help you find friends and marriage partners, you still need to put in the work that it takes to build those relationships and gain intimacy.

Society can tell you tips and methods that have worked to build and improve relationships but no one can tell you how exactly to that as everyone is different.

Esteem, recognition and status are all products of your hard work. While society can provide you with the tools you need to gain esteem and accomplish things that will gain you status, the work is up to you.

Self-actualization is even further removed from social systems as it is based very much on your personal strengths, weaknesses and drive.

But often people don’t realize this.

The biggest flaw in systems is people mistakenly relying on systems to provide the upper needs of the hierarchy instead of looking at it as tool.

While most people will deny this, if you dig deeper, you will see how much of everyone’s thinking is based on societal norms.

We rely on societal constructs of love, friendship and intimacy that are sold to us via the media.

(Some examples.

Disney sells us the lie that love is always supposed to be all fireworks, two figures silhouetted by sunset with romantic music playing in the background.

We never get to see Snow White and Prince Charming fighting over the dishes or stressing over their lazy bum son that spends all day on his X-Box playing Fortnite.

On second thought, they probably will never even get pregnant because Snow White won’t want to ruin her figure or risk stretch marks.

The media reveres the perfect celebrities with good looks that are enhanced by hundreds of thousand dollars of nose jobs, skin tucks, fillers and fake porcelain smiles as the paradigm of a life well lived.

They sell us the dream that if just work really hard, one day we will be famous.

Never mind that 99% of us don’t have a chance at ever achieving any of that.

To (loosely) quote the wise Tyler Durden; “We have been raised on television to believe that one day we would all be millionaires and movie Gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we are slowly learning the fact”.

Never mind the fact that we get to see how all of those perfect lives disintegrate in a pile of infidelity, substance abuse and unhappiness spread across the tabloids and in the Courtroom.

convinces us that the source of our unhappiness is the fact that we don’t have the newest and greatest. If only we would just buy that Corvette……we would be happy.

To once again quote Tyler Durden; “Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate to buy stuff we don’t need”

Rant over. Stepping off soapbox now.)

The problem is that the higher up you go in Maslow’s pyramid is the more individualistic the need is.

One man’s meaning is another man’s boring.

Everyone’s personal needs of love, friendship and success are vastly different but we tend to let society write those definitions for us.

We can be perfectly satisfied with the possessions, relationships and meaning in our life and all it takes is one look on someone’s Instagram’s story and suddenly our life seems dull in comparison to the perfectly orchestrated photos we see there.

(As a general rule when you are having a real good time you are too busy enjoying yourself to post pictures. Posting is a sign of not fully being in the moment and trying to derive fun from giving others the perception of you having fun)

The true road to happiness is to strive for personal definitions of success in every area in life.

The Jewish culture: Archetypes, Prestige, Institutions

Having vastly different outlooks on life, the Jewish community does not suffer as much from many of the issues I enumerated.

While there has been a trickle of secular influence that has infiltrated our culture, having the Torah as our guidebook has shielded us from many of the issues that the secular world is facing.

That being said, human nature is universal and many of the tendencies that lead to those issues are causing a lot of problems in our world as well.

Archetypes

We have a hierarchy of success archetypes of that we either consciously or sub-consciously use our lens for viewing ourselves and others.

(please note that these archetypes are not to be taken literal as they are just being used as general archetypes to explain human behavior. The frum world is far more complex than this.)

Some of them are;

1) The Rosh Yeshiva/Maggid shiur ™

This is the most celebrated archetype in the yeshiva world.

Bochurim entering 9th grade are told time and time again to aim to become the future Rosh yeshiva and maggid shiurim of the next generation.

Obviously, it is a positive thing to strive for excellence but factually speaking 95% of people learning in yeshiva will not end up getting a “shtellar”.

There are a limited number of slots open every year and quite often personality, charisma and connections will dictate who will get them.

[When I was in 9th grade, I remember hearing a schmooze from my Rosh Yeshiva about how we should write our notes of the sugya with the intention of using it as material for making our own shiurim when we were Rosh yeshiva. I remember commenting to a friend of mine that I could predict which guys would ultimately be the ones who would become the Rosh yeshiva of the next generation. As of this writing, I was 100% accurate.]

All though in the short term this might get more productivity and drive out of bochurim, they will ultimately become jaded when that motivator disappears.

This is especially common when people have to enter the workforce to support their family.

Suddenly their identity is torn away from them and from their wives.

Level of prestige:9-10 (depending on the prestige of the yeshiva and position)

2) Baal habattim™

Slightly vilified in the yeshivas; they either garner begrudging respect for the financial support they lend to the Jewish institutions or secret adoration from some bochurim that crave the perks of the wealthy lifestyle.

Rosh yeshivos/maggid shiurim™ will often have to walk the line of respecting them for their contributions while still not encouraging it as an ideal for their bochurim.

While some end up in this group without trying due to their financial state and lifestyle there is a high prevalence of ones that strived and failed to become Rosh Yeshiva/Maggid shiurim™ to instead embrace the Baal Habattim™ archetype out of bitterness.

[if I can’t succeed in the yeshiva world, I will succeed in the other one)

Level of prestige:7

3) Regular yid™

80 % of frum jews fall into this category.

Most of us went through the yeshiva system, learned for some amounts of years after Kollel and will eventually need to enter the work force.

Prestige: depending on how many Baal habattim points™ (How much money you possess) Or Rosh yeshiva/maggid shiur points™ (how yeshivish and how many years learnt in Kollel, yichus ect) you have.

4) Torah Gedulah Hybrid™

A more recent archetype, these are the Baal habattim that learn part of the day, give a daf yomi shiur or are, in some cases, askonim.

Some Famous examples are R’ Sruli Borenstein and R’ Eli Stefansky

Level of prestige: 8 (depends on net worth vis-a-vis the level of perceived “yeshivishness”)

Now obviously these archetypes are very general and there are many sub categories with in each one.

(Klei Kodesh™ is a sub category of Rosh yeshiva/Maggid Shiur™)

Another point of note, the prestige level attributed to each one is relative to different social groups within the Jewish community.

The score given was an average score. The average score dictates the prestige given in the shidduchim world

(Your level of resemblance to an archetype will be a big factor in how much you are considered being the “top guy” or the “hottest guy” on the market”) and overall prestige in the Jewish world at large.

Our institutions all promote, either overtly or covertly, these archetypes as the metrics of success.

In school, the students will be given lofty examples of Gedolim and Rosh yeshivos, our newspapers all are full of pictures of Gedolim by various simchas and functions.

While the Baal Habattim won’t be openly praised in schools and yeshivos, they are honored by school dinners and fundraising campaigns and their sons will often get preferential treatment.

Biographies that only portray Gedolim as finished products without giving the reader a sense of the struggles and failures it took them to get there reinforce this mythology.

The shidduch system in particular seems to give the most respect to these archetypes.

Now of course there is value in having role models and archetypes to hold up as the pinnacle of the human ideal.

The problem is using it as a metric of success instead of a source of inspiration.

The prison you cannot see

Most people would deny being beholden to all of this.

They would admit to recognizing these archetypes but they will claim to base their success on personal successes.

“It’s all about the effort and how hard you try” they say.

While this may be true for some, most people are just parroting this sentiment.

When it actually comes down to it, most default to judging their successes and failures on societal metrics.

A good indicator to this is that many people only spout their belief in effort and personal growth when they fail to meet a societal bar.

That would indicate that it is being used as an ego cushion (to avoid facing their failure by temporarily redefining success) not a real belief.

Another big tell is seeing what you celebrate, the effort or the achievements?

Status or the work it takes to get there?

Do you celebrate when you did something that was hard for you but not considered significant in the world’s eyes?

The Source of all System issues

All of the problems enumerated in the last post are sourced in this issue.

Individuality isn’t encouraged because we have relied on archetypes to tell us what our ideal is.

Personal circumstances and struggles are not valued because that isn’t the metric of success our society holds as ideal.

They are just obstacles in the way of pursuing one of the archetype tracks.

Self-actualization is only a tool to pursue these archetypes.

We judge people’s connection to Hashem by how closely they resemble the archetypes not by where they come from and how far they have grown.

Our institutions are all based on this which leads to elitism.

Summary: Humans have come to rely on systems for their basic needs, so they mistakenly look for societal norms and systems to provide the road to happiness and meaning.

We gage how successful we are in these areas and what we should aim for based on the archetypes put out by society.

This is a mistake because love, meaning and self-actualization are inherently personal.

All problems in the system comes from people using the system for something it wasn't built for .

Stay tuned for the Analyzing the system Pt. 3: The solution……